thewordsofclayton:

sirtarantino:

a guy walked into the board room and said

"hi sweetheart if you could fix me up a coffee real quick im meeting with the regional reports manager in like five minutes, thanks darling"

and i just stared at him and coldly said

"i am the regional reports manager"

we are now twenty minutes into this board meeting and i dont think i’ve ever seen a man look so embarrassed and afraid in my whole life

Good

y2kid:

i will do a lot of things but admitting im cold to my mum who told me to bring a jacket isn’t one of them

sparkhy:

you might as well wear a condom on your head if you’re gonna act like a dick 

crunchbuttsteak:

have you ever known somebody so shitty they completely ruin that first name for you?

egberts:

i fuckin hate how daisy goes ”WOOHOO” when she passes u in mariokart. especially when ur like tied with her so all u hear is WOOHOO WOOHOO WOOHOO WOOHOO WOO FUCKING HOO

brow:

"i cant sleep"

"why"

BITCH IF I FUCKING KNEW, I WOULD’VE FIXED IT ALREADY AND GONE THE FUCK TO BED LIKE????

hamburgerprince:

bruh. game over. she’s marrying that guy and having really talented artistic babies.

pupbutt:

why say nip slip when peek-a-boob is so much better

swolizard:

I use tumblr more out of habit than enjoyment at this point

leopard-cub:

tumblr literally defies all things i’ve been taught:

  • don’t talk to strangers
  • don’t make friends online
  • don’t do anything stupid

dumbscar:

image

HAVE SOME PENGUINS CHASING A BUTTERFLY